The one where Sharpe wins the battle of Agincourt. Sort of.

I love Sharpe books. I really really love them. I love them more than the telly version of Sharpe, but let's be honest - I love them as much as I do because of the telly version, even though I read some of the book s before I ever saw Sean Bean marching across a muddy field being all rough and northern and ....ahem. I lack the imagination to invent Sean Bean. I also lack the spatial awareness to be able to picture battles or sieges or whatever if I haven't previously seen them realised on screen with about 20 Russian extras and a dog.

So - to recap. I love Sharpe books. I love Sharpe on the telly. I especially love Sean Bean (if I had a triumvirate of wonderfulness to accompany the triumvirate of ultimate evil, he'd be there. With Toby. And Shirtless! )



Where am I going with this? You may well ask.

This blog entry isn't about the Sharpe books, or about the Sharpe telly, or about the relative merits of Sean Bean, Toby or Shirtless!. I may, one day write blogs about one or all of those things. but today is not that day and this blog is not that blog (those blogs?). This is about Azincourt, Bernard Cornwell's latest best seller, which is far and away the most enjoyable book I have read in some time. It's really great, buy it now. And, you know, read it. Having said that, though - and absolutely standing by it - there are just a few things which....amused me.

Primarily, I spent the entire book trying to work out which part BC has earmarked for Sean Bean in the (hopefully) inevitable film adaptation (it has to be filmed, it's brilliant. Buy it now). Sadly, Sean Bean is too old to play the hero. Now that's a sobering thought. And believe me, I'm not happy voicing it. But it's true. The hero is - maybe 19? If that. So....not Sean. Tell you who would be good - the actor currently playing King Arthur, in Merlin. Or indeed Merlin himself, he'd be great too. But I digress. It's not Sean's part. Surely BC hasn't abandoned him? Especially as I can hear his voice all the time when I'm reading the book - every time more French people get disemboweled in inventive and rather graphically described ways (he's just helping the art department here, I'm sure that's what he is trying to do) I can hear Sean saying 'take that yer French Bastards' and boy, does it bring a song to my heart and a smile to my lips.

Hmmmm. voices. In my head. Perhaps BC has earmarked Sean for the part of either Saint Crispin or Saint Crispinian, two patron saints of Soissons, a Burgundian town which underwent atrocity at the hands of the French shortly before Agincourt, and who used the hero - Nicholas Hook - as their tool to help get revenge on the French. They speak to him throughout the course of the book, and as far as the reader is concerned, they are real. Now - there is absolutely no mention of them speaking in a Sheffield accent. But on the other hand - nowhere does it say they don't. So Sean could be one of them. Or both of them. But we wouldn't actually see him. Which would be a terrible waste and relegate the film or TV adaptation to the status of an O2 commercial. We can't be having that. So, although maybe Sean could do their voices too (because he is after all totally heavenly) he needs a proper part. And I know which one - clearly he is supposed to play Henry V. Henry has quite a big role actually (much bigger than Wellington got in Sharpe's Waterloo or Nelson got in Sharpe's Trafalgar) and I can definitely hear his words in Sean's voice. Oh yes. Accent and all. And let's face it - what's the point in being the divinely ordained King of England and lots of other places (including - and of course this is the nub of the problem - France) if you can't look like Sean Bean?

So that's that sorted. Next up - how do we solve a problem like Obadiah? BC killed off Obadiah Hakeswill in the one where Hakeswill gets shot and it was a huge mistake. Sharpe never again had a foe as dastardly. BC even had to bring him back in the prequels. Because he was such a great character. So, in Azincourt, BC clearly decided that waste not want not and recreated Obadiah in the guise of sir Martin - a randy rapine priest, who does most of the things Hakeswill did, including the whole steal something valuable and plant it in someone's baggage to get him in trouble (only this time the poor sod got hung not just flogged). This time round though, the not!Theresa managed to not only avoid being raped by him but managed to kill him. So finally we get closure for Theresa's death. And justice is done. The not!Theresa is a good character. And her Sharpe (Hook) actually marries her. And appears to be faithful. this too is good.

One bad point - there is no Harps equivalent. I can't work out why. Unless it's to give Hook and Melisande (which is what we have to remember to call the not!Theresa) a chance. Sharpe and Theresa never had a proper chance cos clearly he loved Harps more than her (didn't we all). This time round there is no rival for Hook/Sharpe's heart.

Anyway - as I said right from the start - Azincourt is a fabulous book. Massively entertaining, well written, detailed - and very very familiar. Which is good if you like that sort of thing. And I SO do. And I'm thinking that anyone else who likes Sharpe will, too. And anyone who hasn't read Sharpe, but is interested in the battle of Agincourt, and reads and enjoys Azincourt - get yourself down to the bookshop and buy some Sharpe books cos if you like the one you'll like the other. Guaranteed.

Tell me where you're going

I really like a LOT of singers.

Seriously. A LOT. I'm not mean with my affections. I'm not sparing with my praise. I'm also really very loyal. All of which means there are a vast number of artistes I consider to be 'mine'.

Very high up this really quite long list, is Silje Nergaard. I've never seen Silje live - although I still harbour vague ambitions of doing so at some point. I'm sure she's very good live - but all I have to go on is her recordings. Which are wonderful.

Silje is a Norwegian jazz singer who gained a very small amount of fame in the UK in the 90s when she released a single called 'Tell me where you're going' which got a fair amount of airplay on the DLT show on radio 1 at the weekends. Not the most promising of testimonials you might think - but actually, at that time DLT was playing good stuff. Lots of Steely Dan and Donald Fagen, which was what reeled me in (see what I did there? ;) ) and lots of stuff that people who liked that sort of thing would, you know, like.

And I did.

Sadly, few other people did and Silje's UK career didn't take off. So she went back to Norway, and released a whole series of wonderful Jazzy records which are a delight to listen to. My personal favourites include 'At First Light' and 'Darkness Out of Blue', both of which have some beautiful songs. and 'Tell me where you're going' remains one of the most joyful and uplifting pop songs I have ever heard.

So - love the lovely Silje!

Deep Secret

Deep Secret is one of only 3 'adult' novels by Diana Wynne Jones (I'll get round to the other 2 at some point). Why is it an adult book? Well............there's a small amount of rudeness, I suppose. There's quite a lot of death and destruction - but no more than in your average Star Wars film. There is also the question of family betrayal - but that can be a staple of literature aimed at young people, so........

Of course, there is the whole people shagging centaurs thing. Apparently a half humanoid half centaur child is.... a centaur. I think it's important to clear that one up. I should probably also confirm that there is no centaur shenanigans actually depicted in the book. But the fact that it did happen is central to the plot, and its resolution.

There is actually a significant death toll in this book - but it doesn't really feel gratuitous. The main plot strand concerns the issue of succession to the throne of the Koryphonic empire - a previously vital construct which keeps the universe in balance, which has passed its sell by date and is due to decline and fall.

There is intrigue, danger, humour, a trip to Babylon, family betrayal, evil magic, heroism, bravery...................but the centrepiece of the action, and the book, is a science fictoin convention in Swindon. Oh yes. Not the Leisure Hive, I think - more likely to be based on a World Con, I'm guessing - but still. Very familiar scenario to those of us who spent rather too much time attending conventions in the 80s and 90s. In Swindon (sometimes). I'd almost certainly love this book if it didn't have the convention stuff. It is, after all, DWJ, my favourite author. The ocnvention stuff is just the icing on a very yummy cake.

(And yes - the magic roundabout and the one way system do get a mention.)