Love's Easy Tears

My mum used to tell me a story about her mum. And her. I suppose really, it was a story about her, rather than her mum. Although her mum was one of the key players in the story. Her mum and Bette Davis.


My mum told me many times how, the year that The Old Maid came out, her mum (who was a huge Bette Davis fan) took her to the cinema many times to see it. Many times. Matinee performances (my mum was about 8 at the time). And every time, without fail, her mum (my grandmother) would howl. Cry her eyes out. Not quietly, either. And my mum used to hate it, absolutely hate it. The way she told the story, she would beg and plead with her mother to not have to go to see the film yet again, because she knew it would be extremely embarrassing when her mum cried. Actually - I'm not sure if my mum's problem was embarrassment. Maybe it just upset her seeing her mum cry.

My mum's mum, my grandmother, died about 5 or 6 years later - when my mum was just 14. The story would always end in one of two ways - either my mum would look at me and my sister and laugh, and we'd talk about the films we fancied seeing - or she'd end it saying something like 'I'd give anything to go and see that film with my mum now. However much it cost me in tissues'.




The Old Maid was always one of my mum's favourite films throughout my childhood. We'd watch it together every time it was on BBC 2, and we'd both cry. But quietly, not noisily. I would be crying because of the film, and because my mum was sad, she'd be crying, I'm guessing, for her mum. And maybe for her lost youth which never really got started - the death of her mum saw to that.



When I was younger, I would obviously cry at the proper bits in films - you know, 'I have been, and always shall be, your friend' or that bit in The Sound of Music where the children are signing to the Baroness and Captain Von Trapp suddenly joins in, to general stunned silence (I'm tearing up now, thinking about it), or The Railway Ch.....damn. Well.....you know. Unless you have a heart made of bogies, you know.

These days though, I cry at everything. I don't just cry at the appropriate moments in The Sound of Music, I cry all the way through. Non stop. Same with many other films. Same with musicals. It's starting to annoy Beanie. We went to see The Sound of Music at the Millennium Centre in Cardiff last weekend - starring Connie, of How do you solve a Problem Like Maria fame. I started weeping the minute she appeared and I didn't stop for the whole show. At least I was crying silently. Bean was frankly disgusted. Not as disgusted as she was at me howling through the Donna Noble and Doomsday music at the Doctor Who prom last year though. One result of all this is that she is flatly refusing to go and see Les Miserables with me later on this year. Which is a shame. She'd love it. It's a wonderful wonderful musical. But I can't deny the fact that that is another one I howl all the way through. What can I say, I'm a woman of deep emotions. And faulty tear ducts.

Perhaps Bean doesn't understand because she's 11 and hasn't really had much to weep about yet. Thank God. Long may it stay that way.

Me, when I cry now I'm not just crying for Connie, or Maria, or Donna, or the poor dead Titanic people, or for Jenny Agutter, or Bette Davis, or Jean Valjean, or Fantine or Eponine. I'm crying for my mum, and for her mum. And for my dad who never got embarrassed about me weeping through things and who always watched Star Trek and Doctor Who with me (as did my mum of course). And I'm crying because one day, Bean will cry like me. And she'll have reason to. And I won't be there to dry her eyes.

Still, that having said - last night's trip to see The Time Traveler's Wife at our local Vue has given me slight pause. Several women there weren't crying silently as I do - they were howling like wolves! And keening. And sniffling. And making more noise than a teething infant. Which kind of ruined it for me - I found myself laughing through my (silent) tears. Which probably wasn't the effect the cast wanted to create when they were making the film.

So - I'm unlikely to dry my tears, I think that boat sailed when I had children. But I will endeavour to keep them silent and discreet.

Top ten weepy film TV and musical moments:

1. Daddy it's my daddy......
2. I have been, and always shall be, your friend
3. Captain Von Trapp sings 'I go to the Hills when my heart is lonely....'
4. The closing credits music of the latest Star Trek film
5. Donna having her mind wiped in Journey's End
6. The Doomsday music
7. The ending of Les Miserables when all the ghosts of the people who have died come back for one last number
8. The bit where Kate Winslett walks down the stairs in Titantic and finds everyone waiting for her
9. Maria joins in with 'My favourite things' as she returns to the children
10. The Old Maid

Literary Crack

One of the key themes of Stephen Donaldson's Gap series is addiction, or dependency. The main protagonists are variously addicted to, or dependent on:

drugs (medicinal, recreational, mechanical, biochemical, smoke it, inject it, ingest it, implant it, generate it in your own body, drink it , you name it one of them does it);
power (over others and self mastery);
Shame;
Revenge;
Duty;
Winning;
Risk;
Lots of other stuff.......all substitutes or metaphors for Self Destruct.

As it happens, the series as a whole (well, books 2-5) are the most addictive boks I have ever read. But ultimately rather than being destructive the experience of devouring them (the only way to read them - these are not 50 page a day books) is wholly positive and uplifting.

I don't know why I love these books, exactly. None of the protagonists is obviously likeable (apart from old Sixten Vertigus who is a sweetie) but actually, in a way they all are. Even though Donaldson goes out of his way to make them all flawed, all dirty, all potentially 'baddies'. Even Morn Hyland who starts out as a total victim with a life that turns into an exploitation film isn't really that person - the real story is something darker, more complex, nastier, but ultimately a Better Answer than self destruct, exploitation, victimhood and abuse. I guess that's why I love the characters so - especially Angus and Nick despite the things they do. None of them could be described as straightforward. Or, for that mater, boring. Are they 'real'? I bloody hope not. But they live for me, when I'm in their world. And every single one of them undergoes a logical development throughout the series. I certainly believe in them on their own terms.

Ultimately most of the protagonists find redemption - better answers than the particular form of self destruct they started out with. That's one reason why it's addictive - apart from the sheer rollickingness of the plot, and the grim grimmer grimmest nature of the various predicaments our anti-heroes encounter as the stakes get ever higher - they do find that better answer.

I'm absolutely convinced the books would make a marvellous film - it would obviously last many days but it would be great so who would mind?! Maybe though BSG has now cornered the whole 'It's grim in space' vibe. Maybe they took some notes from the Gap books, too. Because while it's grim in space, sometimes, just sometimes, it can be just a little bit glorious, a little bit magnificent, too. When people make choices and live with the consequences and strive to find that Better Answer which is somewhere inside us all.

Fastest finger first

I'm currently spending a lot of time practising the Vivaldi Flautino (sopranino) Concerto in C major. Not entirely sure why - well, Andrew tells me to obviously but I don't know why. He did mention the possibility of playing it with ERO but that would never happen for oh so many reasons. Not least of which I wouldn't do it. But also I wouldn't be asked. Lucky escape all round, I say.

Still, I'm putting in the hours since I have the time right now it being summer. It's a beautiful piece. Sadly it's so iconic it's difficult to even attempt it without being assaulted by the ghosts of all the recordings and performances I have ever heard of the piece - all of which are faster than me. And just generally better. But I'm continuing to work because this is why I played in the first place, this was how I wanted to spend my life and luckily for me I still get the chance to noodle around as an amateur, with a great teacher, a decent group and a good orchestra to play with.

There are loads of recordings on the various music services but this one on the tube of you has a nice picture too....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V87Vuc0Dbw

The best chips in the world.....

.....Can be found here: http://www.porthgwiddencafe.co.uk/restaurant-stives-porthgwidden.htm

Filmic music

Not sure filmic is actually a word. But if it isn't it should be.

I love soundtracks. Some of my favourite orchestral music is from film or tv soundtracks. I think that the most interesting contemporary composers are working in soundtracks and have been doing so for some time. There is possibly a problem with width over quality in some cases - lets face it, not all Hans Zimmer's work is as good as his Gladiator or Pirates soundtracks, for example. But generally speaking, composers like Zimmer, Clint Mansell, Murray Gold, Michael Giacchino and Bear Grylls are doing some astounding work. When you add in long established names like Howard Shore and John Williams .... It's almost an embarrassment of riches.


My own favourite film and TV soundtracks:

1. Once upon a time in the west - Morricone
2. Doctor Who- Gold
3. Requiem for a dream - Mansell
4. Pirates 1-3 - Zimmer
5. Lord of the rings trilogy - Howard Shore
6. Schindlers list - Williams
7. Lost 1-5 - Giacchino
8. Star trek - Giacchino
9. Battlestar Galactica -Bear Grylls
10. Star Wars V The empire strikes back - Williams

My favourite bookshop in the whole world

http://www.stives-bookseller.co.uk/

Fabulous shop.

The best view in the world

Branded

So. This sentance I read earlier in the week, in either the Times or the Grauniad has stuck in my mind. Rather longer, it has to be said, than the article in which it was included. I can't remember what the article was actually about (it wasn't about brands per se) but this sentance has been like a brain worm ever since I read it........ What brands speak for you?


Well. That's a good question. Of course in a very real sense no brand speaks for me. Not my political party (the one with the rose) or my professional association (the one with economia) nor my team (the one with Chas&Dave and the first victory for an English club in Europe and the first modern day double). But there are brands I associate with strongly and which others may associate with me. And they aren't necessarily the same as 10 years ago. Or even 5 years ago. Have I changed? Or have they? What does my changing taste say about ms - equally, what do my loyalties say about me? For now, I'm going to note 'my' current brands. And as and when they change, I'm going to try and understand why.

Diet Coke - longstanding. Unlikey to change ever.

The BBC - will never change. I love the BBC - but sub brands within the beeb are in flux. R5 is no longer my favourite radio station. I actively dislike it a lot of the time right now. I haven't dumped it but we are in a dysfunctional relationship. BBC 4 is becoming as important to me as BBC 1. Iplayer is a big part of my life now.

Doctor who - it's always been a brand, really. And my relationship with DW has lasted since I was 2. Basically, we're hitched till death.

Sainsburys - another dysfunctional relationship. I'd rather shop at waitrose. And I suspect Sainsburys wish I spent more money on other stuff with higher margins. Like booze. But we carry on as we are till something beter comes along. I definitely dong think Sainsburys speaks for me - but better them than the local alternatives.

Apple - this is new. Until recently although I had iPods everything else was pc based. Then we bought a mac mini and that was it, for me. Macs all the way now, baby! I was never happy with Microsoft as a brand and I never saw myself as a typical Microsoft person. So I guess I feel the apple/mac brands fit better with the sort of person I am or I believe myself to be.

Moeck and Kung - moeck make the recorders I play. Kung make the bass I would like to play if only I could afford to buy one ( note despite playing an aulos bass I do not associate myself with the brand)

Lush - fashion? Maybe. I just like the smells.

Frizz-Ease serum. The one beauty product I cannot live without.

Marmite - another whole of life association. The food of God.

The guardian - this one is on rocky ground. I hate the way GMG consistently stacks the BBC. I'd chuck the paper in an instant if there was an acceptable alternative. There isn't.

Penguin books - love the classic orange spines.

Roxy, White Stuff, Seasalt - the clothes I wear. Now. I still wear plenty of legacy Next but I don't see myself as a Next shopper any more. Is it my age? Or the fact that I associate those brands with Cornwall which is where I always am in heart and mind if not in body.

Nike - the only gym wear. The Agassi connection neutralised the Arse one which is a relief. Can't see myself swapping to another brand for gym gear.

The church - the biggest brand in the world. Again, I can't see myself jacking it in. It's a genuine family in the way that other organisations just aren't.

Clouds at Sennen

More surfing

After all that angst we had a lovely time. Perfect conditions, perfect weather

Surfing

I love surfing. Absolutely love it. However, I can't stand getting into the sea at the start and then the whole wet cold sandy aftermath. Makes it all much more of a chore than it otherwise could be. The cost benefit calculation is not straightforward.